Ups and Downs

Life throws many things at us. One minute there is something worth jumping for joy and the next it feels like tears could arrive at any moment. This is probably more "just me" than anything else. I know that this is not typical living or life for the average person. More often than not, I would rather be happy instead of sad. Though, something arises and before I know it, my reaction is one of sadness, even if that is not what I intended my reaction to be. I want "me" back. I have yet to share this blog with anyone. So many things now days are traceable. So much is often read further into than what you intended it to be. Then, if something happens, they take whatever clues they can find and a specialist gives his or her opinions on the situation and the next thing you know, everyone thinks they know why you chose the things to do that you did. The loss of my son Drake has been really bothering me lately. I don't know why it has been bothering me more lately, but it has. My relationship with Xavier can be strained at times. It is like it was with Devin for several years. I do know that Devin and I worked through things and I know that eventually it will with Xavier too eventually. Tyler has matured so much and is such a big help around the house. I am truly proud of all three of my boys.